Think about all of the interactions that you have with people. Everyone puts on at least a little mask. Everyone pushes away at least a little to protect themselves. Many people push away a lot - hide as much as they can. You know, as you read this, that you do. If you don't then the result is often painful to you. So you resist being open to people. And you likely assume that the person that you are interacting with also wears a mask.
I'm not talking about criminal-level lies and dishonesty. I'm talking about people hiding a little bit of truth from you. Often under the guise of protecting you, but dishonesty is selfishness - they are only protecting themselves.
Take the humorous "does this dress make my butt look big?" question. The answer is a lie because it is easier than dealing with the dynamics of this situation's truth. Without the mask you may have to face things about yourself that you do not want to face. Things you subvert and hide.
My issue is that I can be blind sided by people that I hope will be honest with me. I always make the first move with honesty. I take people at their word. All to often when I share myself in this completely honest way I get hurt. I then come to realize that I've only seen a mask on the other person.
Very often it is as painful for me to be dishonest with someone as it is to be honest. I will always pick the route of honesty, even to my own detriment.
There are a lot of people I know - a lot that wear this mask. For some the mask is so heavy that it burdens them more than it dissuades me. If the sh!t hits the fan, I'll keep them at the flashy end of the boom stick. Other people wear very light masks - they can be in my camp along side me. Very few, very very few do I trust completely. And they know who they are because I've been fully open and honest with them.
I have a couple of these honest relationships. It isn't magical: it has to be worked at. The foundations for honesty are acceptance and trust which I think are very unnatural for most people. I wish more people would work at this. It is a lot of work, but very rewarding. It is the ultimate "I have your back" when you can turn to someone who you trust completely.
-North
6 comments:
"Honesty is such a lonely word - everyone is so untrue.' - Billy Joel
More honest words were never uttered.
I'll see your Bill Joel and raise you "The Stranger"
Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on
I prefer honesty, it's easier to remember the truth than a bunch of lies...
You are right there, NFO. It is pretty sad when someone can't even lie to you consistently. That demonstrates how little that they think of you and of themselves.
There was a time in my life when I thought dishonesty was the best policy...both with myself and with others. Not an easy thing to admit - but I've come to understand living with an open hand is so much easier than with a closed fist.
Your integrity and openness is an important part of my life. You and I are better people for having an honest and fair friendship.
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